This is Not a Holiday

Travel Tales for the Third-World Realist

This is Not a Holiday: The Pictures

Egypt

The lovely Gerda on the balcony of our Cairo hotel - what a sight for sore eyes

The mosque next door

One of Cairo's many mosques

Sulking in the Sinai

The Hypostyle Hall at Luxor temple - remarkable girth.

The incredible temple of Ramses II at Abu Simbel.

Knees up old chap

Our felucca somewhere between Aswan and Luxor

Not so pleasant in the midst of the Nile's mightiest storm

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The Sudan

On the ferry across Lake Nasser with Herve (right) and the two Mohammeds

The 'bus' to Dongola

Riding up top with Jamal & Razzaq

Chillin' out at the Blue Nile Sailing Club

Lord Kitchener's Gunboat

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Eritrea

Gerda's new Tigrayan 'do'.

Our first taste of injera - "This isn't so bad!". Fools.

The road up to the monastery of Debre Bizen

The Hellbus to Assab

The gorgeous Susie

Susie having fun with my camera

Researching future horrors

The Afar homes mimic the domes of the landscape

Gerda shows her appreciation of our transport option

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Djibouti

The gobsmacking beauty of Eritrea's red Sea coast.

Ali, the consummate host

Mini-guides abound

Frolics on the weekly boat to Djibouti City

Helping out with the kids

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Ethiopia

The gates of Harar

Feeding the Hyenas

The island monasteries of lake Tana

An ancient Ge'ez bible depicting the massacre of king Herod

Our Blue Nile guides

The Blue Nile Falls

Gelada Baboons in the Simien Mountains

Bleeding Hearts

Abera and me overlooking Geech Abyss

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Kenya

The lovely Wajir

The streets of Lamu

The ruins of Gede

The famous tusks on Moi Avenue, Mombassa

Stumbling upon paradise - Tiwi Beach

Relaxing in the tidal pools. Bugger all else to do.

Cheeky blue-balled buggers that raid our tent

The Unimog - what a beast!

Hunting for hermit crabs

Gorgeous little Lulu, and Leon

Stevem Dan, Mark, Jason, Martin, and Tusker

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Uganda

Tanzania

Some other random falls

Our rafting team (daft Americans at the back)

Enjoying a Nile Special above Bujugali Falls

Kampala taxi-rank hell

The winner of the longest horns competition

Writing up notes on the Ssesse islands

A comfy night's sleep on the ferry across Lake Victoria

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Zambia

The unspeakably white sands of Paje beach

The endangered red colobus monkey

Packed and ready to go!

The seafood mountains of Forodhani Gardens

The fastest tortoises in the west

Two Kilis are better than one

Sunset on Nungwe Beach

The tame photo that started all the trouble

Nekkid chillun frolicking in the waves

Behind you mum! A lion!

Mud, glorious mud! Elephants at Tarangire National Park

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Malawi

Doin' the Shake Shake

Washing clothes. On the beach. With a beer.

A cheeky Teletubby on the way up tp Livingstonia

Quite a view from the tent - just don't roll over in your sleep

Waiting, waiting, always waiting

View from the porthole - the Lake Malawi shore from the Monkey Bay Ferry

Overloaded? What does that mean?

Cape McClear Baobabs

Queuing up for a tasty treat at McDonards

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Unusual pool mates at Flatdogs

My home for two nights, safe from hippos

About to hop on a winged moped and fly over Vic Falls

Most terrifying day of the entire trip

View over the Falls

Daredevil diving just metres from the lip of a 1000m drop. Nuts.

Silly hats and beers on the way to Bovu Island

The last sunset of the trip. T.I.A.

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The lovely Gerda on the balcony of our Cairo hotel - what a sight for sore eyes